the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
