I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
