1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
