This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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