But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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