I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
