I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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