so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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