Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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