Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
