This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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