wrigley field is MILF paradise
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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