Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
