just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize