Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
