You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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