She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
this just has baby written all over it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
