I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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