she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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