Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
