Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
