So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
