I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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