I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
