I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
