May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
