Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
A+ Viking dick
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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