look no pants
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize