So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize