is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
His nipple licking is glorious
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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