You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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