That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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