i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
