Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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