Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
