forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
