happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
do herpes really smell.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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