Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
