I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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