I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
