What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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