I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
