dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
