just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
