i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
