Ketchup is God's man juice
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think your dad took our porno
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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