It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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