i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
