i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
