I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Drunk is not a location!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
