hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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