Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
