I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
