No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
