I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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