He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize