i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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