My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
