I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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