Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
