now i know why i became what i already was.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
