did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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