just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My pussy is not your playground.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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