My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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