I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
